Mixed Emotions

Hey Everyone,


I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while, I have been busy working and don't want to post unimportant stuff on here.
So basically yesterday was full of mixed emotions for me. My mom told me Dr. Lee's office finally phone, and that has been what I have been waiting for, for a long time. She then told me that I have a consultation and an MRI on July 3rd, and that radiation will need to be done unless that last MRI shows different. If not my radiation is scheduled for July 5th.
So automatically I feel this weird emotion of joy and fear. Joy in the thought that what I have been waiting for has finally come and I finally get to take the last step to my recovery. But fear in the idea of them putting the head frame on and all of the 'what if's' of it all. 
It is so crazy to me that I saw this for all it is before, which is a blessing in disguise. But I can't help but feel angry, angry that God didn't heal me after all I have been through, angry that this couldn't have been the huge miracle I have hoped and prayed for.
Like I said in one of my early blog posts, I'm not going to hide my feelings, I'm not going to pretend that I am a perfect Christian or that everything is all rainbows and butterflies. Things get tough and hard and it is not always easy to trust God has a plan, as many of you probably know.
I AM grateful that the help I need now is close by as I am almost 100% sure it is the only radiation machine in BC, and that I live in Canada so I have insurance, don't get me wrong. I am positive that God has a plan, I just really wish he would fill me in on ALL the details. 
I thank the Lord that I am alive and for this journey so far, but like I have said, this is definitely not easy, even though it just one treatment, and then I am on to recovery. Sounds easy enough right, but for some reason I have yet to feel like this is easy. 


Please continue to pray, and all of your positive thoughts are greatly appreciated. To this day, the scripture I try to cling to is Psalm 73:28 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is my strength and my portion forever"


I ask for prayer for:
-My fears to be calmed and that I will feel peace
-For strength and to know God is in control
-For Nikki Hand (a wonderful lady from my church who is in hospital after a platform fell on her and crushed some of her spine) 


Here is a posting from a family member:

"Dear Friends: At 10:30 am Monday morning a steel platform that Nikki was working under collapsed on her, smashing her L5 vertabrea in her back. She has ALL mobility and is in stable condition. Right now she is waiting for a transfer to Royal Columbian for surgery to stabilize the fracture. We have no idea when she will be transferred. I know that Nikki and her family are very loved by alot of people, but if you could please NOT text\call Nikki, Lance or the girls. They need this time right now together as a family. 

If you feel that you must visit, PLEASE keep it short. 
I will update everyone with any new info as I recieve it. Please don't hesitate to message or call me if you need info my cell            604-703-6580      .
♥ Gayle."

This is going to be short and sweet =) 


I thought that since was one year since I was rushed to the hospital, I should probably post some thing. The  day after my last post a received a job. Better yet, one I DIDN'T EVEN APPLY FOR !!! God is good all the time !! 


But this post goes out to all my blog readers and prayer warriors. 


Thank you for all your support this past year. Your messages, thoughts, prayers and hugs have really kept me going. I appreciate all of you, even the ones I have yet to meet and pray that God blesses you in your journey in life. 


The biggest thanks goes out to my mom and dad and sisters. Thanks so much for being there through it all. The nights that were so tough for you to see, the funny times, and even some strange times. Thank you for sticking by me and always encouraging me.



Love,


Kim 


"Thank God in everything no matter what the circumstances may be, be thankful and give thanks, for this is the will of God."
1 Thessalonians 5:18

Life right now

Hey Everyone,


Once again it has been a while and I apologize. There is not much to tell you about doctors stuff, still waiting. I recently went to the doctor for kind of a check up for when they thought I had an ovarian cyst burst. My doctor is awesome and has tried to get me in for an ultra sound in 2 months. Some days it gets harder and harder to believe that I will ever get to be completely normal again as selfish as that sounds. I know I have gotten way better than I was and do not have it that bad, I just want to live life how I was before, sports included. Not to mention be confident in myself again. 


I am not writing this to have a pitty party, but it is a lot easier to say how I feel on here then in person. I hope my honesty shows that everything is not roses and sunshine after going through an experience like this, and that I will not choose to hide the difficulties. Yes, God is working in my life for sure through this. Is it always easy ? Definitely not.


It is just now as summer approaches I'm applying for jobs and feel limited as to what I can do. I can't do the typical college girl thing and be a waitress since my arm is too shaky, I can't do any labor such as landscaping because it will up my blood pressure, I can't go back to my job at the waterslides as a poolside attendant, which I loved since helping kids down slides and other physical things are needed to work there. Now I know that there are plenty of other jobs I could do, but I just feel so limited, and it's frustrating. 


My appearance has also been really bothering me. OF COURSE I have awesome support and people constantly reminding me that I look fine and that I am beautiful, but I think we can all agree, we have to feel those things for the effect of people telling us them can fully take place. 


I started the Atkins diet with my mom about a week ago and have lost 6.5 lbs so little victories are definitely helping me to keep going. Plus, not having to do it alone has been such a great help! I have 13.5 lbs to go, and will definitely be keeping my eyes on the prize lol cheesy ! 


Thank you all so much for your continued support and IF YOU KNOW OF ANYONE HIRING OR WILLING TO HIRE let me know !! Thank you !! God Bless! 




Prayer Requests:
- Strength for my family and I when things get frustrating with waiting
- Patience
-That God would supply a job opportunity for me
- For others that are going through tough times






For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
- Jeremiah 29:11

Hurry up and wait...

Hey Everyone,
So basically the title of this post says it ALL. Hurry up and wait. Still haven't heard from Dr. Lee's office and mom has phoned every day this week. Every time she phones it says they are close and will be open the following day, but no such luck. FINALLY my mom got a hold of them and they said he has been away and the day that they usually put cases in front of the panel, all of the doctors just met. And now they would be meeting every week instead of every two weeks. So that is good. 
Prayers for patience are DEFINITELY needed, especially now. Thanks everyone for your continued support !


I ask for prayer for:
- Patience during all of the waiting.
- Missionary family who has lost the mother and son in a car accident. (Link is on my mom's Erika Rimschneider)
- That the doctors would have wisdom in their decision about me needing radiation.

Hey Everyone

Hey All,
I am FINALLY in California with my family. The flight was good although it made my head really sore and then I got nauseous pretty bad during the night. Apparently that is typical for AVMer's (or so they call us) and so I am not too worried. So I am definitely blessed that I could cure the pain with prayer and one regular strength Tylenol. 
It is nice to be able to feel pretty normal and get away from all the tests and doctors, although at times it kind of brings anxiety. I have faith that things will all be okay on this trip.
Thank you all for continued prayer! Just wanted to let you all know that all is well !!
  

Test day - Sorry its so late !

Hey Everyone,
So I had my CT Angio, where they give me my IV and then inject dye into me through it. I was so nervous going there but God gave me a peace all of the weeks leading up to it. Usually I lose sleep and have night terrors. But once again God is good, and I haven't a night terror for 2 weeks! You know it's sad when you wake up from a normal bad dream and are grateful and go right back  to sleep. Anyways, the lady who did my scan was AWESOME! The IV went in easily, and I even did it without a freezing patch!! I was quite proud of myself! :) When she did the first scan without the dye, everything was good, then when she put the dye in, it gave a sensation that is really indescribable but I'll do my best. You feel it go into the IV and it feels very very warm, and then you feel it travel through all your veins, from your arm where the IV is and slowly down your body. The CT tech warned me of this and that I was going to experience a 'peeing my pants' sensation...and trust me I did. hahahah. Luckily, it was just the sensation, if you know what I mean.
Anyways, all went well and I will update as soon as I get results. My doctor is on vacation for the past week I think and I leave to meet my parents on Friday morning at 8:30am to meet my parents in California for 11 days. I'm SOOO excited, this is a well deserved vacation for my family, that's for sure!
Thanks again for all your thoughts and prayers! I thank God continuously for all your support!


I ask for prayer for:
-My results to come back clear and my only explanation is God's healing hand 
-That the flight doesn't make me feel sick or give me a headache
-For people I know that are struggling with colds and other sicknesses 

Please..

Please watch the link I've posted. This weighs heavily on my heart and has for a long time. But now is a time for change !! 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc