Mixed Emotions

Hey Everyone,


I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while, I have been busy working and don't want to post unimportant stuff on here.
So basically yesterday was full of mixed emotions for me. My mom told me Dr. Lee's office finally phone, and that has been what I have been waiting for, for a long time. She then told me that I have a consultation and an MRI on July 3rd, and that radiation will need to be done unless that last MRI shows different. If not my radiation is scheduled for July 5th.
So automatically I feel this weird emotion of joy and fear. Joy in the thought that what I have been waiting for has finally come and I finally get to take the last step to my recovery. But fear in the idea of them putting the head frame on and all of the 'what if's' of it all. 
It is so crazy to me that I saw this for all it is before, which is a blessing in disguise. But I can't help but feel angry, angry that God didn't heal me after all I have been through, angry that this couldn't have been the huge miracle I have hoped and prayed for.
Like I said in one of my early blog posts, I'm not going to hide my feelings, I'm not going to pretend that I am a perfect Christian or that everything is all rainbows and butterflies. Things get tough and hard and it is not always easy to trust God has a plan, as many of you probably know.
I AM grateful that the help I need now is close by as I am almost 100% sure it is the only radiation machine in BC, and that I live in Canada so I have insurance, don't get me wrong. I am positive that God has a plan, I just really wish he would fill me in on ALL the details. 
I thank the Lord that I am alive and for this journey so far, but like I have said, this is definitely not easy, even though it just one treatment, and then I am on to recovery. Sounds easy enough right, but for some reason I have yet to feel like this is easy. 


Please continue to pray, and all of your positive thoughts are greatly appreciated. To this day, the scripture I try to cling to is Psalm 73:28 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is my strength and my portion forever"


I ask for prayer for:
-My fears to be calmed and that I will feel peace
-For strength and to know God is in control
-For Nikki Hand (a wonderful lady from my church who is in hospital after a platform fell on her and crushed some of her spine) 


Here is a posting from a family member:

"Dear Friends: At 10:30 am Monday morning a steel platform that Nikki was working under collapsed on her, smashing her L5 vertabrea in her back. She has ALL mobility and is in stable condition. Right now she is waiting for a transfer to Royal Columbian for surgery to stabilize the fracture. We have no idea when she will be transferred. I know that Nikki and her family are very loved by alot of people, but if you could please NOT text\call Nikki, Lance or the girls. They need this time right now together as a family. 

If you feel that you must visit, PLEASE keep it short. 
I will update everyone with any new info as I recieve it. Please don't hesitate to message or call me if you need info my cell            604-703-6580      .
♥ Gayle."