Hey Everyone hope you're all doing well!,
I wanted to start out this post by saying thank you all very much for your thoughts and continued prayer! It is so so so appreciated and I cant say it enough!!
I have just recently joined a site for AVM Survivors and it has been an amazing support to hear others journeys and be able to connect with people who understand my exact situation since they have also experienced it or something similar. Lots of members on there are from the states and no longer are being covered by insurance for their procedures so I am so thankful to be blessed by living where I do!
Lately I have been struggling with night terrors. Now lots of people think night terrors are just bad dreams, when in reality they are much much worse. You can't wake up until they are completely over once they have started. Waking up from them is just how the movies portray them, you sit straight up and breathe heavily, cry, scream or anything. Mine have been about demons trying to get at me and recent I started to read my favorite Bible verse every night and just sleeping with my Bible by my bed. The demonic night terrors stopped but I still had bad dreams about being chased by someone who wanted to kill me and even to the point where they were taking place in my own house and I was scared to be home alone and go upstairs on my own. I can't explain how scary these dreams are, and it's hard to tell people since it sounds so childish.
One week from today I was able to be brought before my church for a time of prayer of healing on my body. It was amazing to see how many members of our church family came up to the front to lay hands and to support me in prayer. To all those reading this post, thank you so much!
As for how I'm feeling? Not that bad lately. My headaches are minimal and my peace about the radiation is getting stronger. I found out a little while later that the metal frame that I get on my head for the radiation may possibly be screwed into my head and that really shook me. Not only do I get needles in my scalp, but I might get this frame screwed INTO my head. My prayer now is just for complete healing so that when I go for my Angio CT scan (yet to be scheduled) they tell me I don't need radiation anymore and that the AVM has healed itself =) God can do anything!
Thanks all again for your continued support!
I ask for prayer for:
- AVM Survivors who I am in touch with who are struggling financially
- Complete healing for my AVM (ask and you will receive)
- Peace for everything that is to come
- Friends and family struggling with illness
Sunday, 29 January 2012
Monday, 9 January 2012
INFO on AVM
Hey Guys,
So I was searching the internet for AVM support forums to find some people who are going through similar things that I am. One person posted this on their forum post and it explains a lot about what an AVM is and how it is treated etc. I thought I would post it in case some people were wondering what exactly an AVM is.
So here you go!! :
http://www.strokeassociation.org/STROKEORG/AboutStroke/TypesofStroke/HemorrhagicBleeds/What-Is-an-Arteriovenous-Malformation-AVM_UCM_310099_Article.jsp#symptoms
So I was searching the internet for AVM support forums to find some people who are going through similar things that I am. One person posted this on their forum post and it explains a lot about what an AVM is and how it is treated etc. I thought I would post it in case some people were wondering what exactly an AVM is.
So here you go!! :
http://www.strokeassociation.org/STROKEORG/AboutStroke/TypesofStroke/HemorrhagicBleeds/What-Is-an-Arteriovenous-Malformation-AVM_UCM_310099_Article.jsp#symptoms
Saturday, 7 January 2012
Doctors appointment details
Hey Everyone,
So I definitely failed at the memory thing haha but oh well. So yesterday I had my doctors appointment with my new doctor Dr. Lee. I found out through family friends that he is a Christian and prays with you before he does your radiation if you ask him too so that was very encouraging and comforting. Also, from the time I woke up yesterday I had the song "I stand amazed" (I posted the link below) stuck in my head. Yes, it's an old hymn, but it reminded me how much God loves me and it made me so thankful that He has brought me through all this, and yet, He had to endure pain way worse than what I experienced.
He started out by Dr. Lee asking what all happened so he could hear it from the direct source. So we told him how it all happened and such so he could know all the side effects that I had from the hemorrhage and then he did a few tests to see what my mobility on my right side was like now.
Then he started to explain what radiation is and how it all works and then the part that really scared me. It's really not that big of a deal but it's not like I would choose it if it didn't need to be done. But let me start with the small testing stuff he told me before the scary stuff. I have to go get blood tests which I obviously wasn't thrilled about since the needles and no matter how many you get and that I have gotten, you just don't get used to something like that. Then he told me that I will have to get a angio CT scan which involves yet again MORE NEEDLES!! An IV yay!!! NOT! haha. but at least its not the type that I have to be put asleep for and them going through an incision that they make in my leg. This test only requires an IV and they inject the die and do the CT scan. That part in not excited about BUT it will be alright.
Now onto the scary part, well at least for me it sounds scary. So that they do they radiation correctly since they can only do it once and hopefully make no mistakes, they have to put a metal frame on my head. I will have to wear this for at least 7 hours that day. It weighs 6-7 lbs so any bball girls that are reading this, I'm doing my weight training, just Kim style ;) hahaha. Anyway, for this to be on my head for that long, they have to put freezing cream on my scalp and then USING NEEDLES, even if they arent that big, will inject more freezing under my scalp so that they metal legs that are leaning on my head don't hurt my head too much.
Yup not to excited about that, but I do know God will be with me. There is no doubt about that.
For the radiation, they take that CT scan to see the shape of the AVM and use the computer on the radiation machine (sorry for my non-medical terms, but I DID have a brain hemorrhage hah) to generate a beam in the exact same shape as my AVM. I thought that was pretty cool!!
Dr. Lee was wonderful and kept us in his office until all of our questions were answered... it ended up being a half an hour long!! After my radiation, I will go back annually for scans to see the progress the radiation is making.
So that is about it! Any questions do not hesitate to text me or send me a message on facebook! Thanks for the prayer and support!!
I ask for prayer for:
- God to calm my fears and anxiousness about the tests and radiation
- Thankfulness to God for the wonderful doctor he has blessed me with.
-For people I know struggling with ongoing illness
The Song: I Stand Amazed = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtqG3EdGiGQ&feature=related
So I definitely failed at the memory thing haha but oh well. So yesterday I had my doctors appointment with my new doctor Dr. Lee. I found out through family friends that he is a Christian and prays with you before he does your radiation if you ask him too so that was very encouraging and comforting. Also, from the time I woke up yesterday I had the song "I stand amazed" (I posted the link below) stuck in my head. Yes, it's an old hymn, but it reminded me how much God loves me and it made me so thankful that He has brought me through all this, and yet, He had to endure pain way worse than what I experienced.
He started out by Dr. Lee asking what all happened so he could hear it from the direct source. So we told him how it all happened and such so he could know all the side effects that I had from the hemorrhage and then he did a few tests to see what my mobility on my right side was like now.
Then he started to explain what radiation is and how it all works and then the part that really scared me. It's really not that big of a deal but it's not like I would choose it if it didn't need to be done. But let me start with the small testing stuff he told me before the scary stuff. I have to go get blood tests which I obviously wasn't thrilled about since the needles and no matter how many you get and that I have gotten, you just don't get used to something like that. Then he told me that I will have to get a angio CT scan which involves yet again MORE NEEDLES!! An IV yay!!! NOT! haha. but at least its not the type that I have to be put asleep for and them going through an incision that they make in my leg. This test only requires an IV and they inject the die and do the CT scan. That part in not excited about BUT it will be alright.
Now onto the scary part, well at least for me it sounds scary. So that they do they radiation correctly since they can only do it once and hopefully make no mistakes, they have to put a metal frame on my head. I will have to wear this for at least 7 hours that day. It weighs 6-7 lbs so any bball girls that are reading this, I'm doing my weight training, just Kim style ;) hahaha. Anyway, for this to be on my head for that long, they have to put freezing cream on my scalp and then USING NEEDLES, even if they arent that big, will inject more freezing under my scalp so that they metal legs that are leaning on my head don't hurt my head too much.
Yup not to excited about that, but I do know God will be with me. There is no doubt about that.
For the radiation, they take that CT scan to see the shape of the AVM and use the computer on the radiation machine (sorry for my non-medical terms, but I DID have a brain hemorrhage hah) to generate a beam in the exact same shape as my AVM. I thought that was pretty cool!!
Dr. Lee was wonderful and kept us in his office until all of our questions were answered... it ended up being a half an hour long!! After my radiation, I will go back annually for scans to see the progress the radiation is making.
So that is about it! Any questions do not hesitate to text me or send me a message on facebook! Thanks for the prayer and support!!
I ask for prayer for:
- God to calm my fears and anxiousness about the tests and radiation
- Thankfulness to God for the wonderful doctor he has blessed me with.
-For people I know struggling with ongoing illness
The Song: I Stand Amazed = http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtqG3EdGiGQ&feature=related
Monday, 19 December 2011
December 19th Appointment Cancelled
Hey,
So as you can tell by the title of this post my appointment with Dr.Lee got cancelled, or in a nicer word "postponed" until January 6th. It is definitely disappointing but I need to remember God has a plan!
So as you can tell by the title of this post my appointment with Dr.Lee got cancelled, or in a nicer word "postponed" until January 6th. It is definitely disappointing but I need to remember God has a plan!
Friday, 16 December 2011
Memories #1
Hey Everyone,
So my mom and I have talked a lot about writing down memories and God moments from the hospital and the time after and I thought that writing them on here and sharing them with you guys was the best way to remember them. So I am going to try and remember to write one each day leading up to my appointment with Dr. Lee on the 19th. So here is one.
I decided that I should write about one nurse who was in HAU and to be honest she was a HUGE blessing. Her name was Yelena (I definitely don't know how it's spelled so I sounded it out. Oh grade two, you will never fail me haha). My earliest memory was of going down the elevator to get a CT scan and she was the first person I remember seeing. But when I first saw her, it was like I knew that I had an amazing relationship with her and that I really trusted her, like a mom. I don't really remember anything after that, not even the scan that I was going down for.
After my surgery since my blood pressure needed to be monitored so closely, I got sent back into HAU. As I was wheeled through the hallway I passed ICU where my uncle Ron had passed away. I passed the room where my mom told me that he had passed away. I also was wheeled exactly where I saw him last when he was being wheeled to the elevator to get a scan. Although I wanted to cry, I felt an overwhelming peace like he was watching and telling me not to worry that he had talked to the big man and had everything taken care of. Little did I know how well God had it taken care of.
When they buzzed the door and the nurses had opened it from the inside, I got wheeled into the exact same room I was in the first time (or so I was told lol). As they opened the doors to my cozy little glass cube that I got to call home again for a few days, they hooked up my IV pole and my machines and just as they were doing that I heard the glass door open and expecting to see my parents, since they aren't allowed in the room right away when you get transferred since they may get in the way of the nurses, in walks Yelena. Not knowing who she was but knowing I had an overwhelming feeling of happiness and trust, she told the other nurses that she would take care of getting my charts and machines and they could go. A couple minutes later in walked my parents and explained who she was. It was so cool to be able to have her as a nurse again. Not only was she amazing, she had the same OCD attitude about things. She was a no garbage kind of person and was quick to fix my mess of tubes and wire that were sticking out of my gown left and right. She made them all neat and then informed me that she was off in an hour and that she was skipping her debriefing with the other nurses and that I shouldn't tell anybody. She waited until my night nurse arrived and introduced me, although she already knew me from before and informed me that she would be my nurse for the next couple days and that she would be back in the morning. The next days, even though I was in HAU so my situation was pretty serious, those days were my favorite. Usually I didn't like to do anything without my parents there especially blood tests, but with Yelena I always felt safe, even when the dreaded 'blood cart' would come wheeling in. (lol right mom)
The one night before I left HAU Yelena informed me that she would be leaving for vacation for two weeks the next day. She checked her other patient then came into my room and told my parents that they need a break for sure and directed them to the nearest coffee shop. One of my biggest pet peeves was letting the nurses bathe me and I usually tried to do it on my own or got my mom to do. There was just so many things that I couldn't do that I felt this was one thing that I wanted to hang onto even though to anyone else it wasn't a big deal. But after Yelena sent my parents for coffee, we had a blast, She saw all the dye on my chest from when they had put in my sub-clavian she told me that she was going to bathe me and get it all off. For the first time I was okay with the idea, and we spent the next 45 minutes talking and her scrubbing my shoulder and chest. It was like I had known her my whole life and as my parents came back she thought it "might be a good idea to show her other patient some attention". Before she ended her shift, she came back to say goodbye to me and she gave me a hug and I may have possibly cried half a tear...or more.
It was such a blessing to have her as a nurse. And once again God provided! Two days later I was transferred off of HAU and back to the fourth floor (Neuro Floor). Yelena has been a strong memory in my mind and I don't think I will ever forget her.
So there you go, one memory of the hospital..so MANY more to come!!
Thanks guys! Love you all!!! xoxo.
Prayer Requests:
- That Dr. Lee will tell me that my radiation will take less the 6 months to fully work or that I won't need it. Hey, my God can do ANYTHING.
- For some friends that are struggling with illness and tough times
- For all of the staff that I met at the hospital
- That God would give Dr. Lee the wisdom he needs to provide me with the most efficient care as well as the other people that he is treating.
Thought I would leave you with a classic Kim and April (one of roomies and one of my best friends) photo.
This song I listen to A LOT and while writing this blog post =) Enjoy!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=It-_B6evUvU&feature=autoplay&list=PL66C3E236771E857C&lf=mh_lolz&playnext=7
So my mom and I have talked a lot about writing down memories and God moments from the hospital and the time after and I thought that writing them on here and sharing them with you guys was the best way to remember them. So I am going to try and remember to write one each day leading up to my appointment with Dr. Lee on the 19th. So here is one.
I decided that I should write about one nurse who was in HAU and to be honest she was a HUGE blessing. Her name was Yelena (I definitely don't know how it's spelled so I sounded it out. Oh grade two, you will never fail me haha). My earliest memory was of going down the elevator to get a CT scan and she was the first person I remember seeing. But when I first saw her, it was like I knew that I had an amazing relationship with her and that I really trusted her, like a mom. I don't really remember anything after that, not even the scan that I was going down for.
After my surgery since my blood pressure needed to be monitored so closely, I got sent back into HAU. As I was wheeled through the hallway I passed ICU where my uncle Ron had passed away. I passed the room where my mom told me that he had passed away. I also was wheeled exactly where I saw him last when he was being wheeled to the elevator to get a scan. Although I wanted to cry, I felt an overwhelming peace like he was watching and telling me not to worry that he had talked to the big man and had everything taken care of. Little did I know how well God had it taken care of.
When they buzzed the door and the nurses had opened it from the inside, I got wheeled into the exact same room I was in the first time (or so I was told lol). As they opened the doors to my cozy little glass cube that I got to call home again for a few days, they hooked up my IV pole and my machines and just as they were doing that I heard the glass door open and expecting to see my parents, since they aren't allowed in the room right away when you get transferred since they may get in the way of the nurses, in walks Yelena. Not knowing who she was but knowing I had an overwhelming feeling of happiness and trust, she told the other nurses that she would take care of getting my charts and machines and they could go. A couple minutes later in walked my parents and explained who she was. It was so cool to be able to have her as a nurse again. Not only was she amazing, she had the same OCD attitude about things. She was a no garbage kind of person and was quick to fix my mess of tubes and wire that were sticking out of my gown left and right. She made them all neat and then informed me that she was off in an hour and that she was skipping her debriefing with the other nurses and that I shouldn't tell anybody. She waited until my night nurse arrived and introduced me, although she already knew me from before and informed me that she would be my nurse for the next couple days and that she would be back in the morning. The next days, even though I was in HAU so my situation was pretty serious, those days were my favorite. Usually I didn't like to do anything without my parents there especially blood tests, but with Yelena I always felt safe, even when the dreaded 'blood cart' would come wheeling in. (lol right mom)
The one night before I left HAU Yelena informed me that she would be leaving for vacation for two weeks the next day. She checked her other patient then came into my room and told my parents that they need a break for sure and directed them to the nearest coffee shop. One of my biggest pet peeves was letting the nurses bathe me and I usually tried to do it on my own or got my mom to do. There was just so many things that I couldn't do that I felt this was one thing that I wanted to hang onto even though to anyone else it wasn't a big deal. But after Yelena sent my parents for coffee, we had a blast, She saw all the dye on my chest from when they had put in my sub-clavian she told me that she was going to bathe me and get it all off. For the first time I was okay with the idea, and we spent the next 45 minutes talking and her scrubbing my shoulder and chest. It was like I had known her my whole life and as my parents came back she thought it "might be a good idea to show her other patient some attention". Before she ended her shift, she came back to say goodbye to me and she gave me a hug and I may have possibly cried half a tear...or more.
It was such a blessing to have her as a nurse. And once again God provided! Two days later I was transferred off of HAU and back to the fourth floor (Neuro Floor). Yelena has been a strong memory in my mind and I don't think I will ever forget her.
So there you go, one memory of the hospital..so MANY more to come!!
Thanks guys! Love you all!!! xoxo.
Prayer Requests:
- That Dr. Lee will tell me that my radiation will take less the 6 months to fully work or that I won't need it. Hey, my God can do ANYTHING.
- For some friends that are struggling with illness and tough times
- For all of the staff that I met at the hospital
- That God would give Dr. Lee the wisdom he needs to provide me with the most efficient care as well as the other people that he is treating.
Thought I would leave you with a classic Kim and April (one of roomies and one of my best friends) photo.
Friday, 2 December 2011
God is GOOD!!!!!!!!
Yes, I know I have used that title for a post before but man, I couldn't help it. PRAYERS WERE ANSWERED!
I woke up this morning to a text message from my mom that said this:
"Good morning sunshine how are you today? I called Dr. Heran's office so Cathy (his secretary and our bff) phone Dr. Lee and we have an appointment for a consult for Dec. 19th at 2 Yayyyyyyy!! God is good all the time!" To which I replied, "All the time God is good!!!"
So that is my exciting news for now. I am hoping that he will be able to tell me when radiation will be!!
Thanks to everyone for their prayers and messages of encouragement!!
I continue to ask prayer for:
- Strength to not be too stressed or frustrated with waiting to be "normal" me again
- For friends struggling with illness and other hard times
This is my excited face (below)
I woke up this morning to a text message from my mom that said this:
"Good morning sunshine how are you today? I called Dr. Heran's office so Cathy (his secretary and our bff) phone Dr. Lee and we have an appointment for a consult for Dec. 19th at 2 Yayyyyyyy!! God is good all the time!" To which I replied, "All the time God is good!!!"
So that is my exciting news for now. I am hoping that he will be able to tell me when radiation will be!!
Thanks to everyone for their prayers and messages of encouragement!!
I continue to ask prayer for:
- Strength to not be too stressed or frustrated with waiting to be "normal" me again
- For friends struggling with illness and other hard times
This is my excited face (below)
Monday, 28 November 2011
Sorry, it took so long
Hey Everyone,
Sorry it has been so long since I last wrote on here. Lately, things are hard with lots of headaches and stuff lately. What's new though, things could be a lot worse. I had to write a paper for a class I'm taking called Effective Relationships and my paper ended up being 11 pages. To this point, the only times I have really written about the hospital is on here and this gave me another chance to write about my experience. The paper was on two spiritual disciplines that I chose to work on for 6-8 weeks and I didn't know what I had gotten myself into by choosing the disciplines of worship and peacemaking.
It is crazy to me how these disciplines connected to my times in the hospital but here is one paragraph that I wrote:
"I had a few of these moments of sickness seeing as I am dealing with some after effects as well as current issues from my brain hemorrhage. I know that we weren’t really supposed to talk from our past experiences but I couldn’t help it. Thinking of all the moments in the hospital when they were slicing part of your skin open by your collarbone to insert a tube while you’re awake are not some of your favorite moments but in it God works. When I had to get that small surgery for them to insert that tube I was terrified and let me tell you, it was one of my weak moments and I was definitely not worshiping God in the sense that I was not thanking him for giving me a second chance at life. I was horrified and especially all of the needles that had to go in to freeze the area for her to cut was not a very nice moment, and even thinking of it now still makes me cringe. Although, God worked in this moment, as I should of known without a doubt he would.
First off, he blessed me with a female surgeon who never works at the hospital I’m at but just so happened to get called in to work there for the day which made it more comfortable to have someone of the same gender doing the procedure. Not only that, I found out through conversation that she was a Christian and even knew people that went to Columbia Bible College and visited before. To top that all off, he blessed me with and amazing nurse who took time to hold my hand the whole time and let me squeeze it whenever I felt I needed to. She had also heard about Columbia since her friends went here before and both the nurse and the surgeon were former athletes and we could talk about basketball to calm me down. In the end, it turned into more of a social event then anything and I was so blessed to have them there. I did all I could to not cry with joy and thankfulness, and some tears may have slipped out. Once they transferred me to my room there was not holding back, I laid there in my bed unable to move my right side from the original hemorrhage and just began pray in thankfulness for God’s unending faithfulness. In moments of weakness it is not always that easy to praise God, but through those times God works, and works in only ways He can. Once again, GOD IS GOOD! In moments when we recognized some of the MANY astounding things God did in the hospital and after, my Mom and I have a saying that we say all the time and it will start with one of us saying “God is good all the time” and the other replies with “and all the time, God is good”. Now isn’t that so true!"
Sorry it has been so long since I last wrote on here. Lately, things are hard with lots of headaches and stuff lately. What's new though, things could be a lot worse. I had to write a paper for a class I'm taking called Effective Relationships and my paper ended up being 11 pages. To this point, the only times I have really written about the hospital is on here and this gave me another chance to write about my experience. The paper was on two spiritual disciplines that I chose to work on for 6-8 weeks and I didn't know what I had gotten myself into by choosing the disciplines of worship and peacemaking.
It is crazy to me how these disciplines connected to my times in the hospital but here is one paragraph that I wrote:
"I had a few of these moments of sickness seeing as I am dealing with some after effects as well as current issues from my brain hemorrhage. I know that we weren’t really supposed to talk from our past experiences but I couldn’t help it. Thinking of all the moments in the hospital when they were slicing part of your skin open by your collarbone to insert a tube while you’re awake are not some of your favorite moments but in it God works. When I had to get that small surgery for them to insert that tube I was terrified and let me tell you, it was one of my weak moments and I was definitely not worshiping God in the sense that I was not thanking him for giving me a second chance at life. I was horrified and especially all of the needles that had to go in to freeze the area for her to cut was not a very nice moment, and even thinking of it now still makes me cringe. Although, God worked in this moment, as I should of known without a doubt he would.
First off, he blessed me with a female surgeon who never works at the hospital I’m at but just so happened to get called in to work there for the day which made it more comfortable to have someone of the same gender doing the procedure. Not only that, I found out through conversation that she was a Christian and even knew people that went to Columbia Bible College and visited before. To top that all off, he blessed me with and amazing nurse who took time to hold my hand the whole time and let me squeeze it whenever I felt I needed to. She had also heard about Columbia since her friends went here before and both the nurse and the surgeon were former athletes and we could talk about basketball to calm me down. In the end, it turned into more of a social event then anything and I was so blessed to have them there. I did all I could to not cry with joy and thankfulness, and some tears may have slipped out. Once they transferred me to my room there was not holding back, I laid there in my bed unable to move my right side from the original hemorrhage and just began pray in thankfulness for God’s unending faithfulness. In moments of weakness it is not always that easy to praise God, but through those times God works, and works in only ways He can. Once again, GOD IS GOOD! In moments when we recognized some of the MANY astounding things God did in the hospital and after, my Mom and I have a saying that we say all the time and it will start with one of us saying “God is good all the time” and the other replies with “and all the time, God is good”. Now isn’t that so true!"
I just thought it was cool being able to look back at my time there and how it shaped me.
So yeah, things have been rough but that was really part of my healing and it was an awesome feeling to be able to look at all the cool God moments that my family and I had during a hard time.
Something as a side note that is so exciting is that my niece (picture above) is turning one tomorrow!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL MADISON!
I ask for prayer for:
- My constant headaches
- For me to follow God's plans for me for next semester and my future and for me to trust him fully
- For some of my friends who are struggling with illness and hard times.
- For answers about when my radiation will be
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